I'm yo' Momma, I'm yo' Daddy....

"Helloooo.... LADIES!!"

Welp. If my world didn't suck balls, I would totally be all about second-wife-town.

I want to PolyBlogTown all over the place. However, trade school{beauty}, Grandma, "taking a village to raise a child,*" and like, life? Yeah, even considering another partner is foolhardy AT BEST right now. Everything is crazy, everything is wrong. Aside from the previously aforementioned family issues, *I* have felt off. Like, I accidentally got onto the train to DepressionVille, no stops in Acceptableburg or Okay-town. I'm totally mopey, Grandma is sick, my brain isn't chemically righting itself, so I feel so shitty that it is a fucking chore to remove myself from bed.... and, as a child-hater, I hate to say the following..

...*Oh. Em. Gee. Helping my best friend with her child? More into it than I care to admit. I am there after school, or the whole day, depending on my schedule. For some extra cash, she watches her sister-in-law's{for lack of a better term.} newish baby, and I help her with her beloved child, or the delightful daughter of two humans{in-lawsish, if her bro-in-law married the new baby-momma...} that I absolutely loathe. Woah, woah, woah. I am cruel, but it is the fault of a daughter who has a mother inclined to trap a man using pregnancy? Aboslutely not, and if you say so, fuck your soul. I'll be the demon to fuck you in your afterlife Hell. Anyway, the daughter... well. Mumsy was on opiates the whole pregnancy, and she is ONLY just beginning to be.. like.. awake. Seriously. The last WEEK she's been an OMG HAPPY LAUGHY BABY! Like, she coos and sweetnesses at me all the time since the utero narcs have gotten out of her sys. Sadly, I suspect her sweetness may ultimately have to do with actually.. you know. Paying attention to her. She giggles at EVERYTHING, and like, the way she looks at me and coos makes me so sad. I've seen her around her parental creatures{'mother' and 'father' are too good for these people} and she isn't so active. They have this beautiful little child, just YEARNING, and waiting for them to love her and show her life, and they're fucking it off, ignoring her, and just generally... making me want to violate my parole.

Well, whatever. I know those assholes. I SO could... and want to... cunt out and rat them and their addictions out and take that child and raise it and show it the glorious world and all it has to offer and...

Oh hell. This is all just whacky out-loud thinking-type. I have no child, and at best, a questionable past, and I am... let's say, more than prone, to violence. Oh well.

One day I'll have my school for children sold into sex slavery. I'll educate them, I'll find them jobs, homes, partners, whatever they need! I'll figure out a way to save all the children of the horrid parts of the world, and then I'll REALLY be happy!

See! I HAVE PLANS!

And so... everything is still wrong.

"I got plastic knees, you son of a bitch!"

Hello Hello!

I exist! Life has been fine!

I've just been BUSY. Like, hella omg busy. Like, not even sort of vaguely funny busy.

First off, beauty school takes up hella time-ish. Secondly, we've been super-socializing with friends and family lately, and thus have simply not been around...

Thirdly.. and this is super happy news...

My best friend just had her baby! YAY OH FUCK YEAH!

So like, okay, children, are just NOT for me, but that's ME. She, on the other hand, is happy as fuck, AND that's not all!!

Her boyfriend{the Baby Daddy} asked him to marry her! Isn't that wonderful!? So, needless to say, I have been very busy doing *VERY* girly things with her.

"OMG WEDDING PLANNING!!!!!!!!!11!!111one!!!!" Anyway, needless to say, there has been all sorts of activity. And, no offense to my internet friends, but I simply haven't time to spend on the internet. I'm too busy IRLin'!

Though by comparison my own life hasn't been so full, I've still been busy. Around here and there, doing fun, and not so fun, things.

And now for my bad news of why I have been away. My Grandmother has NOT been feeling well. She's always{past seven or so years} had high blood pressure, and lately, well. It's been *bad*. Like, all his weirdness and she always feels dizzy and nauseous and shit. Her docs are totally working on getting her meds all under control, but in the meantime, I've been spending a lot of time with her. She's passed out a couple times from the dizziness, which then means another call to the hospital and visit to the doctors and all that health rot. 'I hope I die before I get old.'

Anyway you slice it, I am simply too busy for internet times, but THIS VERY MOMENT I am catching up on other folks blogs, and trying to be a good internet friend :}

I hope everything is totally awesome with everyone.

*love you where you pee!*

Non-Stop Violence, they feed us cascades...

Of non-believers dying in the sand!


Natja-I'll show you evil. Yanno. If you weren't already taken. *sexual innuendo!!!*

JudeTown- It's YOUR fault! Have a blog. Let the world aggro all over you. If they do, I bet I can get Natja to aggro with me over them. We'll cover them in our bukkake of hate. BUKKAKE OF HATE.


*semen.*


Heath- PORNOPOLIS 2011: POPULATION- US!



Therefore, in conclusion: fuck those cunts.

I will *literally* hunt them down, skin them, then post a video here of me eating their flesh. Cannibalism for the win, you bitches!!

P.S. FO' NATJA- heeeey. Hubbs and I are interested in kicking around the UK for a vacay{US Eng- Vacation or... A Holiday{In Cambodia!}, as you folks would say} could you help me out with prices and info if we spoke via the secret interwebs known as EMAILS!!.... ?

I'd like to fuck up some shit in London. And no lie, maybe this is just retribution for that Honeymoon Mr. Hubbs and I had on the continent. First off, UKers thought we were Austailian{wtf?! The accent is TOTALLY OMG diff!!}, secondly, after SRS OMG politeness, once we corrected them {"Oh, no. Sorry, we're from the US."} they would straight up WALK AWAY, like, NO good-bye, no NOTHING. Just fucking walk off and prick out. After my cuntass was POLITE TO THEM!? How dare they!

So. Yanno. Let's ruin some shit in London.

Also, Madame Natja- have you read the Thursday Next series?! HELLA AWESOME.

FYI

I am hella jealous of CERTAIN people, who are HOGGING all the aggro-town disapproving attention.

I WANT TO ARGUE TOO!!

Stop STEALING all the bitchiness for yourselves.

Hmph.

So it begins.

Dies irae, dies illa
solvet saeclum in favilla
teste David cum Sybilla
Dies irae, dies illa
Quantus tremor est futurus,
quando judex est venturus
cuncta stricte discussurus?

In Fortune solio
sederam elatus,
prosperitatis vario
flore coronatus;
quicquid enim florui
felix et beatus,
nunc a summo corrui
gloria privatus?

E uscito dalla folla cittadina,
un uomo, un picciol punto
s'avvia per la collina.
Chi sarà? chi sarà?
E come sarà giunto
che dirà? che dirà?
Chiamerà Butterfly dalla lontana?

Nice evening.

Husband and I were paid early this evening.

So we went to a local Mexican place and had a tasty dinner. The more I read of other Mono and Poly married blogs, the more I realize this is a 'Date Night.'

Well, if this is a Date Night, it's OMG AWESOMETOWN.

Hella bad.

Anyway, we had a lovely time, but that's not really a fair thing to say, as we have lovely times most of the time when we go out.

Excepting those odd occasions when one of us is unnaturally bitchy, of course.

The food was good. The service would have been better, had they not been understaffed. The drinks were solid. The decor expected.

Okay, actually? The service was shit. Total and complete shit. Our waitress would ask people sitting directly next to us how they were doing, and ignore us entirely...







So we got back at her the best way we knew how.












We tipped her like a motherfucker! Over 25% on a $75 bill.

HA! She feels like a total asshole now. In fact, after we sent the bill in, she became MOST attentive and apologetic in behavior.


And now, she'll never ignore us so much again.



We win!

Talking Heads- "Psycho Killer"




PS- From now on, I shall end with the song I am currently listening to. Like it or lump it!

People can be surprising.

I had a lovely evening last night. Our friends, Ryan and Jen, came over. We had a tasty dinner, and watched a movie.

But, Jen surprised the shit out of me. I always thought that she was more conservative. Reserved, if you will. Then, she was keeping me company in the kitchen, and looked over at our bookshelves in the dining room.

"Oh, ha! I used to read Nancy Drew too when I was little... HEY! Pocket Kama Sutra!"
{Yep. I keep my Pocket Kama Sutra next to my Nancy Drews. Judge not, lest ye be judged!}

She then proceeded to read from it in the most histrionic voice I've ever heard. This badly written copy was loudly, and yes, occasionally squeakily, howled out for all and sundry to enjoy.

She proclaimed from the hills, "Kneel and lean forward over her, rather than stretching yourself out!"

"Use your hands for balance!"

And not to forget, "Use your hands to caress, stroke, and fondle each other!"*

This led to a conversation about beguiling displays of the erotic arts. (Pornography!) We both expressed our interest to go down to the porno convention in Vegas. This pornographic discussion led to the pros and cons of high-definition cameras being used in porn, and the pros and cons of it being used in regular films. We came to the conclusion that while in some cases it is good(especially documentaries. Planet Earth, anybody?). In others, not so much(butt-pimples.).

Needless to say, our incessant clucking drowned out the boys. I suspect we were being quite loud, even from the kitchen(Okay, that's not really *that* far from the living room...) They even went outside for a while to look at Ryan's car. Though, his car is pretty snazzy. All.. what is it? Pimped out.

Anyway. I'll return later. My friend is here and we're going to have lunch at her place. Mmm! Chicken salad!

People can be surprising. PART DEUX!
(Continued Friday, 13th of November)

As I was saying, Jen and I were loud and clucky. It was very amusing to talk to a pre-school teacher about The Erotic Arts(Porn porn porn!) and my Husband and Ryan nerded out all over the place discussing computers. I guess Ryan hates his job(he and the Husband used to work together for a VoIP phone company. Ryan is still there.) as they are overworking him and generally being a dick to him. Husband said he could try and get him a job where he works, but Ryan quite likes the other aspects of his job. It's just the dickhead management that is fucking around with him. Poor thing.

Anyway, I had more to say regarding my evening, but the interruption yesterday has utterly broken my train of thought, and that sumbitch ain't coming back.

FFW out!













*I omitted the far more graphic things that were said so as not to offend anyone's sensibilities. The word, "PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" was involved a lot. Also, "VAGINAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"